Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My Life Story

am 23 years old married to my high school sweetheart Steven and together we have a beautiful 2 year old son Steven Jr. my hubby has a large beautiful sweet Irish family that would do anything for him and our son and myself as well.

My family however is quite large as well mostly made of Italians and isnt quite like anything that my hubbies family portrays. I grew up-in Ocala Florida, with an alcoholic mother and-father who were also into several drugs. my father , a construction worker, was a Vietnam vet so he was a bit screwy from he war as most vets are he would keep to himself for the most part watch war movies cry and drink and do random drugs. my mother was a fast food manager for every chain and always was coming home at late hours do to her shifts which were often double. as soon as she came home she would tuck me back in bed because i couldn't sleep until i knew she was safe. after she would tuck me in she would do the same routine as my father drink and drugs. at the young age of i knew my life wasn't average. i have a younger brother and two older sibling one sister and one brother. my sister moved to my aunts at a young age because she couldnt handle what was going on, she was being abused by mom verbally and physically so she left.

i was sad when christine my sister left but i knew she needed to go. we moved around a lot after that and then my mom decided to leave my father when she met a man named bob. i was confused i didnt trust this guy as soon as i saw him but i had no choice my mom and i amnd my two brother moved in w/him. bob wound up being a monster of a man. 10 times more worse than both my parents combined he was heavily into drugs and alcohol and very very abusive not just towards my mother but my brothers and i. my mother went to jail after she was found trespassing private property drunk and bob left her there so he assumed custody of my brothers and i.

we would get hit for random things like coughing loudly not closing the cabinets. even though my older brother was bigger and of course older i assumed most of the responsibilities. i often stepped up to bob which often got me hit more but i knew my brothes were to weak to do so. my older brother adam would often disappear for days and come home late which would anger bob and he would get chased around the house until i would come out and try to come between bob and my brother adam. i took most of the abuse as i said before and teachers took notice but i was told i couldnt say anything. well one day bob through a bowl at me a glass bowl which shattered and sliced my hand open i took my younger brother and ran to a neighbors house where they called child services and and they called my aunt laura and uncle david to assume temp custody in which they did. so my brothers and i flew to ny our homestate to live w/our aunt and uncle.

it seemed as if life was finally going to be a bit more normal...i was wrong. though i wasnt physically abused i and my younger brother were often treated like slaves. we all shared a bedroom in a kitchen in a basement. we were made to do all chores shop at thrift stores even though they got money from the state for us about b600 a piece. while theyre children shopped at finer stores. we had to eat every spec on our plate otherwise our next meal would not be allowed. and we went to church which was okay but if we forgot to remember mass was about we would be punished, like having to eat sardines and anchovies and live. i was horrible there was nothing i could say or do. if were were not in bed by 7 pm we would be punished harshly we would stand on a line with our hands up in the air for 4 hours or more. i went to stay at my grandmothers house one summer which wasnt great at all..my grandmother boyfriend was an alcoholic as well not physically abusive but sexually abusive. i was molseted almost every day until i gave in and told my grandmother and she freaked out and moved back into her place and brought me back to my aunts house.( but later got back w/the man and he later died from cancer we do not talk to this day...)

my mom was let out of jail and came to ny to visit us. i chose not see her so did my older brother but my lil brother didnt really understand do to him being young and me sheilding him of the abuse and problems. eventually my aunt had enough of us and said we should move back in w/my mom and bob.they wanted to keep my older brother adam, i was outraged but my lil brother shaun was so excited and ready to go so i couldnt let him go live there by himself i knew he wouldnt survive w/out me.

well my mom and bob moved to missuori. things had not changed nor had they. i got beat for telling what they call lies about my grandmothers boyfriend who they adore.

my sister christine was now 19 and all grown up and engaged to a wonderful man frank. they came to visit from NY to MO, my sister had this guilt of leaving us even though she should not have she need to go when she was younger. she saw that i was quiet and unlike myself youthful self, she asked questions that pertained to abuse i could only nod because bob and my mom told me not to say anything. my sister was so upset. she knew i nwas afraid and asked me if i was sexually abused i nodded i told her not by bob but by grandmothers boyfriend, she started to cry she gave me her number and told me to call her the next time things get outta control.

my lil brother quickly became friends w/a good neighbor w/two kids around his age, down a few blocks they gave him so much good attention brought him to baseball games gave him clothes and toys. i was jealous but happy and thankful. he was out so much he didn't see or experience the abuse that bob did on my mother and i. my mother was blind when it came to bob he did no wrong.

well i didnt call my sister until one day when i feared i was going to die. bob was mad because i wanted to see my friend christina so he chased through my room lifting my mattress throwing it at me, my mom was screaming for him to stop, she was helpless,then he-was me slamming me against the wall,he then chased around w/ a steak knife where i panicked and took the phone and manged to hide in the bathroom sobbing and called my sister. i told her what happened she called the local cops and the came quickly my sister arranged for them to escort us to an airport in which my mom decided she was leaving bob. we went to get my lil brother an he was mad and confused because he liked hanging w/his good neighbor friends the ones that took care of him.

we arrive at the airport w/all of belongings (which wasnt much) and mom went to the atm and withdrew 500 dollars and gave it to me. she told me bob need her more. i was furious that she was abandoning her own kids. i took my lil brother shaun and went to the boarding and was furious at my mom. shaun was crying that our mom wasnt coming i lied and told him she will meet us there.

we arrived in NY hours later i saw my sister and frank who was crying and i knew she was going to be the one who took care of us like no else did and i was right. she provided us w/ proper lifestyle and upbringing that no did before . they took us in in i was 14 and shaun was 10 my sister only 19 and frank only 21. i credit them for so much i owe them my life.

the funny thing is out of my whole big family my sister and my lil brother are the only ones who are not in denial and who i communicate with. my aunts and uncles who say u need to forgive everyone who wronged me. god that makes me pissed. its my choice i was am the one who went through the pain and torture and i need to let it go and pretend all is normal?! they say my mom and bob has changed, no they never paid child support ( my dad did but openly said he wants nothing to do w/me which was okay at least he was honest) if she was okay now why has she not sent my lil brother a birthday card or a letter all these years?

im making sure my son has a life in which he can be proud of,a mom he can depend on to be there no matter what.

8 comments:

Brianne said...

you are such an amazing person sam, i *heart* you! =]]]

Mother and Lover said...

Sam, your story touched my heart!! Through all of this you are a very well rounded mother and wife! You went through that to make you who you are today and you are so beautiful and like Bri said, AMAZING to all of us! I love you!!

Nicknessaemma said...

Wow, you have overcome so much. You are such a strong woman. And so smart at such a young age, you knew how to take care and protect your brothers. You were meant to be a mom. And a great one! I'm proud of you.

Mari Sins said...

Wow Sam, You are awesome and a fantastic mother! Im glad that you've taken your experience and turned it around so you can provide a better home life for your son. I love you! Im still waiting for my ring! teehee!

The Beard Family of 5 said...

I agree with Vanessa - you were meant to be a mom and break the cycle. I would have never guessed 14 was the age that you were left at the airport. I can't believe you went through all of that so young. I'm sorry Sam, but I think you are amazing!

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through Sam. You are an incredibly strong person!

~Jessi~ said...

Oh Sam, I am so sad for you. What an awful life to remember. I have tears in my eyes while I'm typing this. You are so amazingly strong and I know that you are an AMAZING mother!!! Now I know what brought us all together on FAB..we were meant to be family. All of us. The family that you never got to have!

Whitney said...

Sam, i love u so much! I think u are an amazingly strong person for going thru what u have and turning out to be the most wonderful, kind, selfless person. Who is an amazing friend, wife, and mother. Is it strange for me to say im proud of u? Cuz i am!!Im so proud of who u are from what u came from. It shows amazing strength of character!Ur story made me cry, ive heard some of it but not all. I cant wait to see u soon!Love u bunches Twin!!PS ur wayyyy hotter!